Branch Davidian Texas Pecan Pie

Branch Davidian Tanks in Waco, 1993Considering all of the illiterate rural prophets coming to power and building compounds with their legions of 13 year-old-wives, our world is sure to burn down in one 51-day, continuously CNN-covered siege.Biblical prophecies of final divine judgment are coming to pass, as the 1993 barrage of Waco’s Branch Davidian compound shows us. So grab an AK-47 and a cup and a half  of butter-drizzled pecans and get to firing up some pies.

1 While the CNN coverage did not feature burning crosses, this flaming (and delicious!) crucifix is undoubtedly the symbol for southern Christian cult pie zeal.

It's Waco Siege Month

2 eggs, slightly beaten
1 cup light corn syrup
¼ cup sugar
2 tablespoons of flour
¼ teaspoon of salt
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups of broken Texas pecans
An eyelash from a teen mother
3 cinnamon sticks
Some twisty ties
Cooking oil

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Spread the Texas pecans in an unbaked 9-inch pie shell. Mix the remaining ingredients and pour over pecans. Bake at 375 degrees for 50 minutes or until filling is set. Then take it out and let it cool. When you’re ready to serve it, bind the cinnamon sticks together with twisty ties to fashion a rustic looking cross. Douse the cross in cooking oil, stick it in the pie, and set it on fire.


Filed under Cults

11 responses to “Branch Davidian Texas Pecan Pie

  1. And if you should eat too much of this tasty pie, just be sure to play achy breaky heart over and over and purging should follow!

  2. mamasgotthemagic

    Look! Janet Reno just appeared in the pecans!

  3. apocalypsecakes

    Made w/ Janet Reno Pecans®

  4. When the FBI tried to get the Davidians out of their compound they played Achy Breaky heart real loud over and over again.

  5. Gene

    What you have got to understand is that to break the law leads to the law breaking you. The David Korres guy was bad. The only good think Clinton did the whole time.

    • Abdel

      There was no law-breaking. The BATF was there because they suspected he was stockpiling illegal weapons. He was a firearms dealer, that’s called inventory, and none of it was illegal.

      This all before a budget review. An attempt at securing blood money through a dramatic raid ended with men, women, children, and federal agents. Koresh was no saint, but the BATF and FBI are guilty of cold blooded murder.

  6. SilverQueen

    I’m working on Rapture Cake. It will be light as a feather and is designed to be eaten from the tops of vehicles.

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