Raining Blood Red Velvet Cake

Blood Birdie

The Bible says that when the world goes to shit, blood will rain down and fill our Six Flags slides with summer fun and excitement. Flowing down deluged  sub-development streets, blood rivers will send Hummers awash over strip malls. Indeed, as Slayer reminds us in their 1986 song, Raining Blood, “the sky is turning red / return to power draws near.” [MP3]What Slayer is trying to say in this verse is that basically we are fucked. What better way to prep for blood rain than eating a Raining Blood Red Velvet Cake?

My First Raining Blood Red Velvet Cake
Cake Ingredients
½ cup shortening
1 ½ cups sugar
2 eggs
2 tablespoons of cocoa
Some red food coloring
1 teaspoon of salt
2 ½ cups of flour
1 teaspoon of vanilla
1 cup of buttermilk
1 teaspoon of baking soda
1 tablespoon of vinegar

Frosting Ingredients
1 lb. softened cream cheese
4 cups powdered sugar
2 sticks softened unsalted butter
Some vanilla extract

Cream shortening, beat in sugar gradually. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Mix cocoa and red coloring, add to creamed mixture. Add salt, flour and vanilla alternately with buttermilk, beating after each addition. Sprinkle soda over vinegar, pour vinegar over batter. Stir until thoroughly mixed. Bake in 2 8-inch pans for 30 minutes at 350 degrees. After they cool, smear frosting on one of the cakes and put the other one on top of it. Then add more frosting. Eat and enjoy the pleasant weather.

For the frosting, p.s., mix the butter, powdered sugar and cream cheese until it looks like frosting. Put it all over the cake, making little craters for your pools of blood.


Filed under The Plagues

23 responses to “Raining Blood Red Velvet Cake

  1. I want to taste them all. Mwahahaha!

  2. I believe you mean, “Reign in Blood” not Raining Blood….

  3. Looks like you killed pac-man!

  4. Pingback: Breaking News: Vampires Kill Pacman! : True-Blood.net - News, spoilers, photos and more!

  5. Lindz

    sorry to be dense, but is the blood just straight red food coloring? will that much start to taste funny?

    for our TB2 premiere party we’re making vampire cupcakes and vampire cookies. i’m pretty excited to add this cake to the list!

    thank you!

  6. I am also very interested in the “how-to” for the “pools of blood”. Great Maryanne cake!

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  8. Dominic

    shortening yuk, use butter for proper ‘ taste’ and texture , a puree of raspberries or coulis, would also ‘taste’ better, but what the fuck, your american so how would you know.

  9. jill

    Love your food photography…so playful!! Nice work…

    ps. thanks for stopping by the someday blog today:)

  10. I present an apocalyptic-based podcast (called Deadlink) with some friends; we’re going to have to give the cakes a mention… maybe try a recipe or two 🙂

    Top work!

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  12. I’m collaborating with a friend and doing some of the cooking & baking for her Vampire themed party next weekend and I’m so making this cake – and adding it to my repetoire of cakes that I offer through my business!


  13. Sarah C

    I followed this recipe directly, and it made bubbly mush. I’m not at all impressed. Waste of time, waste of money, and waste of ingredients.

  14. I’m saving this recipe for a True Blood finale party, for sure!

  15. Reblogged this on Martian Brothel and commented:
    Apocalypse Cakes always has something sweet to make your sweetheart sour…

  16. sherri

    I am making a Dexter cake. I have no idea how to make blood? Yours looks so good how did you make the blood??? thanks

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