We’re doomed. Eat cake.
A variety of cataclysmic punishments from God continue to rain down upon us. Obviously, this is the time to eat several entire cakes. Use this blog to help you celebrate your time on this earth, for when you look up from your cake-smeared cakehole, the sky will fade ablack, the lakes will blaze aflame and the locusts will buzz aswarming. Eat now, little heathens; there are no cakes in the apocalypse.
Apocalypse Cakes is Shannon O’Malley, writer, and Keith Wilson, photographer. It has been noted with varying degrees of esteem by NPR, The San Francisco Bay Guardian, The Village Voice, Fast Company, The Toronto Star, Io9 and others, and is a summer 2011 Running Press book release. If you are interested in hosting a reading + cake tasting or mentioning us in your media outlet, please get in touch.
Apocalypse Cakes: Recipes for The End, the book, is available on this Internet and wherever books are sold. Order your copy now. Do it. Click here.
apocalypsecakes@gmail.com
Apocalypse Cakes 
Cook me a Raining Blood Red Velvet Cake. I will pay for shipping.
Thank you for your interest in item #666, the Raining Blood Red Velvet Cake. Please send your order to our fulfillment minions at apocalypsecakes@gmail.com. Our amputees (diabetics… mostly foot issues) wait around the clock so that we can freshly dress your order. Thx!
Awesome site, I have added you to my blog roll I am also a chef and fellow end-times enthusiast!
Thanks!
Genius. Pure and simple.
Wanted to share these cult-inspired recipes with you:
“Manson Family Nut Cake”
2 1/3 c. sifted flour
1 c. sugar
1 tsp. soda
1 tsp. salt
1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
3/4 tsp. nutmeg
3/4 tsp. cloves
1 c. brown sugar, packed
2/3 c. shortening (butter flavored Crisco)
1 c. buttermilk
Sift together flour, sugar, soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves. Add brown sugar, shortening and buttermilk. Beat vigorously with spoon for 2 or 3 minutes (150 strokes per minute). Add 1/2 to 2/3 cup unbeaten eggs (3). Continue beating 2 more minutes. Fold in 1/2 cup cut up nuts, 1/2 cup cut up raisins. Pour batter into prepared pans. Bake layers 30-35 minutes, oblong 45 minutes in moderate oven (350 degrees).
“Heaven’s Gate Heavenly Pudding Cake”
Ingredients
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar, divided
1/4 teaspoon salt, optional
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/3 cup apple cider or apple juice
2 1/2 cups sliced, peeled apples or
1 (20 ounce) can sliced apples, drained*
1 tablespoon cinnamon imperials
1 3/4 cups apple cider or apple juice
Directions
In medium-size mixing bowl, combine flour, 1/2 cup of the sugar, salt, baking powder and baking soda. Add oil, vanilla extract and the 1/3 cup apple cider or apple juice, mixing until smooth. Gently stir in apples and cinnamon imperials. Spread mixture evenly in a 9-inch square pan. Sprinkle remaining sugar over apple mixture. Carefully pour remaining 1 3/4 cups apple cider or apple juice over batter.
Bake at 350 degrees F for about 55 minutes or until cake is done. Cool slightly before serving with whipped topping or frozen yogurt, if desired.
Yield: 8 servings.
Per Serving – 2/3 cup: 250 Calories, 1 g dietary fiber, 4 g fat, 124 mg sodium
Microwave Method: Prepare according to above directions, spreading mixture in glass 8-inch square microwave-safe baking dish. Sprinkle remaining sugar over batter. Pour apple cider or apple juice over mixture. Cook on HIGH 12 minutes or until cake tests done, turning dish every 3 minutes. Cool slightly before serving.
Suggested apple varieties: Empire, Gala, Golden Delicious, Ida Red, Jonagold, Jonathan, McIntosh or Rome.
Fantastic!
haha Mason family nut cake, both horrible and hillarious at the same time. Touche.
Our blog was so inspired by your blog that we threw a little dinner party ….
http://www.teleportdoor.com/2009/10/26/apocalypse-chow-your-last-dinner-party/
I found a link to this site on bakebakebake at LJ. I have to say I’m offended by by the very concept of this site. A Kool-Aid flavored cake mocking the victims of the Jonestown massacre? A Jihad cake in the shape of a roadside bomb? How about making a cake that doesn’t mock the deaths of innocent people.
NOPE.
Try not getting offended by everything, young one.
I’ve never actually seen someone offended by a cake before, but… well, there it is.
Oh god. You are so awesome. This is hilarious! Unless you didn’t mean to be hilarious, then I apologize.
So when are you coming out with the BP olykoek?
It’s called satire. If you read the descriptions heading the recipes, you will clearly see it does not mock the innocent, but holds up a scathing mirror to the perpetrators, to those who should eat the cake and confront their doom.
And there’s a Twitter feed!
This is most excellent. I’m very impressed.
Apocalypse cakes has inspired our fund-raising committee to hold a bake-off event. Thank you and we look forward to the release of Recipes for the end.
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I found something to pretty much offend everyone – good job being neutral. Intellectual humor is a fast disappearing skill Ina politically correct society.