Tag Archives: economic collapse

Economic Collapse Crumb Cake

With the fat, rich captains of industry wiping their asses with your mortgage and private- jetting to St. Tropez as the country festers into a third world cesspool, you’re bound to die of starvation tomorrow. These richest 10 percent of Americans control two-thirds of America’s net worth, and that means you’ll waste away with cancer with no healthcare and only donated Lunchables to eat. On your deathbed, you’ll wish you had moved Iran, Nigeria or Turkey, where income inequality isn’t as big a problem. Best to try some Economic Collapse Crumb Cake today before the government throws you under the bus for some Cuban cigars and private golf club memberships.

Ingredients
1 cup sugar
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 pound (1 stick) unsalted butter, cut into pieces
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 pinch salt
1 cup buttermilk
1 egg, lightly beaten

Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease a 7×11-inch baking pan. Combine sugar, flour and butter. Use a fork to cut butter in until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Set aside 1/2 cup of this mixture to use as topping. To the remaining flour mixture, add cinnamon, cloves, baking soda and salt. Lightly stir in the buttermilk and egg. Pour batter into prepared pan. Sprinkle cake with reserved topping. Bake for 25 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into center of the cake comes out clean. Call your broker and tell her to have all your assets converted to cake.

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Filed under Graft Usury Etc, New World Orders

Detroit Holiday Clearance Cake*

Bearing in mind how lazy the poor are, with their “I lost my job-this” and “the bank foreclosed on my trailer-that,” the indigence of Motor City is sure to infect the entire civilized world one zip code at a time. And if you doubt that the decomposing asbestos-crypt of Detroit is a bellwether for the rest of the world, wait ‘till you run into an ex-GM employee with his attendant eye crusties lurching down your street pushing an aluminum-can-filled K-Mart cart. Better go in with your neighborhood association ladies and pick up the ingredients for a Detroit Holiday Clearance Cake now before the homeless seize control of your sub-development and start using your taxes for Wonder Bread and MD 20/20.

* This is actually a “stollen” but that seemed too fancy.

Ingredients
 1 orange rind, grated
1/2 c. cut dates
1/4 c. candied fruit
1/2 c. seedless raisins
1 c. shortening
1 1/4 tsp. salt
2 eggs
1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. milk, lukewarm
4 c. flour
2 pkgs. yeast
1 tsp. sugar
1/2 c. warm water

Directions
Combine yeast, 1 tsp. sugar and warm water. Cream shortening, sugar and eggs. Add yeast mixture. Add milk and flour alternately, beating well with each addition. Lightly flour fruits and knead into dough. Transfer to large greased bowl, cover and place in refrigerator overnight. Next day, divide dough in half, roll each on floured board into a rectangle 3/4 inch thick. Brush with melted butter and sprinkle with brown sugar and chopped nuts. Fold one long edge into center and then fold other side over this, overlapping by about 2″. Place on ungreased shallow pan or cookie sheet (cover with cloth) and allow to rise 2 hrs. Bake 30-40 min. at 350 degrees. When cool, ice with white frosting and eat before pestilence overtakes your community.

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Filed under New World Orders