What better way to celebrate the Engulfed Coast than by gorging on little cream puffs bursting with artery-clogging serum? There isn’t one, and this is why we’ve oozed into the filled-pastry arena by selecting “Butaneous Profiteeroles in Drilling Disaster Sauce” as the winner of the BP Oil Spill Cake Naming Contest. And we don’t care that a profiterole isn’t a cake because profiteroles more disgusting than cakes. Ms. Gigi Generaux of Las Vegas, NV submitted the winning entry.
Congratulations Ms. Generaux!
The butaneous submission beat out other gross names such as “Smothered Turtle Pie with Dispersant Cream,” By Freddy Bowen of Philadelphia, PA, “Devil’s Crude Cake” by Shan Powell of Ontario, and over 80 others. Gigi will receive a free set of Apocalypse Cakes Recipe Cards and a chocolate endangered species mold as her prizes.
Other Honorable Mentions:
“Deep Chocolate Horizon” by Jason West of San Francisco, CA
“Gulf of FUBAR Cake” by Margie Hayes of Pensacola, FL
“Brain Pampering Impalement Arts Cake” by Juliet Cook of Valley City, OH
“Beach Party Rainbow Stain Cake” by Troy Hewitt of Aliso Viejo, CA
“Gulp of Mexico Pinata Lava Cake” by Brian Maschler of Austin, TX
“Deepwater Horizon Exploding Dark Chocolate Petro-Cake” by Kristina Felix of Austin, TX
Will you name the BP oil gusher cake? S/he who comes up with the name of the Apocalypse Cakes oil gusher dessert will get a delicious specimen of endangered chocolate wildlife, Internet fame and a set of Apocalypse Cakes Recipe Cards. To enter, follow these two easy steps:
1. E-mail your oil gusher cake title, name and mailing address to email@example.com. One entry per person.
2. Write “Oil Gusher Cake Contest” in the subject line of your e-mail.
The contest ends 11:59 p.m., Saturday, July 31st, 2010. The winner will be notified via e-mail and announced here at Apocalypse Cakes. Want to see the evil of our previous “Name the Swine Flu Cake” contest? Check out Sharif Youssef’s winning entry here.
God warned you not to eat swine flesh, and look where all those bacon tacos have gotten you. In an age of fatty foods, when people feed chickens chicken and then fry the chicken in hair spray, we willfully court sin and clogged arteries. We’ve finally gotten our hands on Leviticus’s mom’s “I Told You So” AporkaIypse Bacon and Apple Pie recipe just in time to tempt you during another animal pandemic. And while Matthew implores us not to throw our pearls before swine, here at Apocalypse Cakes we prefer to fry our swine and eat our pearls, too, which is why we’ve added dollops of whipped heavy cream to an already deathly dish.
1 granny smith apple, decoratively chopped
1 syringe of H1NI vaccine
1 can whipped cream
1 pack uppity bacon
1 1/4 cups white flour
1 tbsp. sugar
2 tsp. salt
1/4 cup cold butter
broken into small pieces
2 tbsp. cold vegetable shortening
4 tbsp. ice water
1/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Pinch of salt
8 medium sized apples
2 tablespoons margarine
Measure the flour, sugar and salt together and combine. Add the chilled butter pieces (cut them with a knife) and shortening to the bowl, but don’t over mix. Add the ice water. Mix until the dough holds together (add a more water if you need to.) Put the dough on a lightly floured surface, knead it together. Flatten into a disk, wrap in saran wrap and chill for 30 min. Roll out the disk on a floured surface until it’s about 12 inches in diameter. Put the circle in a 9″ pie plate, trimming any extra dough from the edges. Return it to the refrigerator until you’re ready to make the pie. Add filling (see below.)
Heat oven to 425 degrees. Peel, core and slice the apples, saving some for the decorative topping. Mix sugar, flour, nutmeg, cinnamon, and salt in large bowl. Stir in apples. Pour into pastry-lined pie plate. Dot with margarine. Cover with raw latticed bacon. Bake for 40 minutes; check the World Health Organization site to see how much time you have before the swine flu reaches your house and you start vomiting pig blood.
[Title and introduction by Swine Flu Cake Naming Contest winner, images and recipe by Apocalypse Cakes.]
Since the announcement of Apocalypse Cakes’ Swine Flu Cake Naming Contest, the zeal and squeal for pig-infected death cakes (and pies) has been high. In May we received lots of exciting entries, some of which included: “The Grunt Bundt” by Shantell Powell of Ontario, Canada; “You Wreak What You Sow Cake” by Robi Polgar of Austin, TX, U.S.A.; “Porky’s Revenge” by Ged of Lancashire, U.K.; “Feverish Chocolate Pandemonium Cake” by Mary Ellen O’Lynch of Saugus, MA, U.S.A. and “Dying to Pig Out Cake” by Denise Schlaeger of Cusseta, GA, U.S.A. Thanks to everyone who entered.
Undoubtedly, though, one winning name shines above the rest, and it is the entry that most astutely underscores the terrifying-yet-now-boring-and-innocuous pig infection crisis of our times: Leviticus’ ‘I Told You So’ Aporkalypse Pie by Sharif Youssef of Chicago. Congratulations to Sharif! As per our contest’s terms and conditions, we will post a photo of the first Leviticus’ ‘I Told You So’ Aporkalypse Pie to Apocalypse Cakes next Monday, June 15. Here’s a photo of Sharif enjoying his his bacon-accented chocolate pig prize!
Author of “Leviticus’ ‘I Told You So’ Aporkalypse Pie,” Sharif Youssef, with his prize pig.