Category Archives: Judgment

President Santorum Frothy Chocolate Cream Pie

As the candidate sure to beat that socialist, baby-killing incumbent, Rick “Frothy Mixture of Lube and Fecal Matter” Santorum will spend his first day in office detaining you at Guantanamo for all your yoga and blowjobs. You will be chained … Continue reading

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Filed under Judgment, New World Orders

Gay Wedding Cake

 Now that our godless politicians are letting the homosexuals have their “marriages,” our children’s eyes will burn out of their skulls, upstanding heterosexuals will start making love to their golden retrievers and the Earth will explode into pink globules of … Continue reading

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City-by-City May 21 Apocalypse Forecast Facebook Q&A

Hark! This Saturday is the Big Day. Get your town’s May 21 Apocalypse Forecast the day before it all goes down! Will you suddenly ionize during a Satanic orgy at your local laundromat? Or will you be enveloped by a … Continue reading

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Filed under Judgment, Sharing Apocalyptic Pride

“Inexplicable” Blackbird Pie

Hark! As foretold in the Book of Revelation, The Lord’s Aviary of Retribution has burst forth and festooned our cul-de-sacs with its decorative corpses. The dead birds are part of a menu of surf and turf — fish, crabs, blood, … Continue reading

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Fallen Angel Food Cake

Did you relinquish your virtue at too young an age? Or in an unbecoming manner such as by the rear1, during an unconscious state, or with multiple suitors simultaneously2? Everyone knows that if you fuck remorselessly before marriage, Christ will … Continue reading

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Resurrection Day Self-Rising Chocolate Cake

It’s Easter time and that means dead folks are crawling out of caves and graves and all the other cubbies to which people skulk off and die. Now, if Jesus can come back all luminous and GQ after a being … Continue reading

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