Leviticus’ “I Told You So” Aporkalypse Pie

Leviticus in print

God warned you not to eat swine flesh, and look where all those bacon tacos have gotten you. In an age of fatty foods, when people feed chickens chicken and then fry the chicken in hair spray, we willfully court sin and clogged arteries. We’ve finally gotten our hands on Leviticus’s mom’s “I Told You So” AporkaIypse Bacon and Apple Pie recipe just in time to tempt you during another animal pandemic. And while Matthew implores us not to throw our pearls before swine, here at Apocalypse Cakes we prefer to fry our swine and eat our pearls, too, which is why we’ve added dollops of whipped heavy cream to an already deathly dish.

Leviticus' "I Told You So" Aporkalypse Pie

Ingredients
Topping:
1 granny smith apple, decoratively chopped
1 syringe of H1NI vaccine
1 can whipped cream
1 pack uppity bacon

Crust:
1 1/4 cups white flour
1 tbsp. sugar
2 tsp. salt
1/4 cup cold butter
broken into small pieces
2 tbsp. cold vegetable shortening
4 tbsp. ice water

Filling:
1/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Pinch of salt
8 medium sized apples
2 tablespoons margarine

Directions
Crust:
Measure the flour, sugar and salt together and combine. Add the chilled butter pieces (cut them with a knife) and shortening to the bowl, but don’t over mix. Add the ice water. Mix until the dough holds together (add a more water if you need to.) Put the dough on a lightly floured surface, knead it together. Flatten into a disk, wrap in saran wrap and chill for 30 min. Roll out the disk on a floured surface until it’s about 12 inches in diameter. Put the circle in a 9″ pie plate, trimming any extra dough from the edges. Return it to the refrigerator until you’re ready to make the pie. Add filling (see below.)

Filling:
Heat oven to 425 degrees. Peel, core and slice the apples, saving some for the decorative topping. Mix sugar, flour, nutmeg, cinnamon, and salt in large bowl. Stir in apples. Pour into pastry-lined pie plate. Dot with margarine. Cover with raw latticed bacon. Bake for 40 minutes; check the World Health Organization site to see how much time you have before the swine flu reaches your house and you start vomiting pig blood.

[Title and introduction by Swine Flu Cake Naming Contest winner, images and recipe by Apocalypse Cakes.]

About these ads

6 Comments

Filed under Contests, Pandemics

6 responses to “Leviticus’ “I Told You So” Aporkalypse Pie

  1. phredrika

    THIS is perfect. If only it had chocolate…

  2. The chocolate bacon pig I won for this was actually quite DELICIOUS tasting. The salt of the bacon offset the chocolate perfectly.

  3. Evan Monaco

    I must get this to eat.

  4. THIS IS REALLY NICE!!! Yumy,

  5. Pingback: CONTEST! Name the BP Oil Gusher Cake, Win Chocolate Wildlife! « Apocalypse Cakes

  6. Burke

    Mmmmm… Do you deliver?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s